What kind of relationship nourishes you and your partner together? Can you imagine a relationship where you’re totally devoted to each other, yet secure and independent?
Were you ever taught how to get what you need and what he needs?
Probably not, and that’s normal. Even if you had parents who modeled loving partnership, most of us aren’t taught to create win/win agreements that make both people feel happy, loved, and cherished.
Most of us are used to compromising to make the other person feel better. “I want to see him more often, but I understand why he’s so busy…;” or “I can never find a time to bring important things up; I guess I just need to find other ways to get support.” The thing is, if we could discover a way to get both of our needs met, he will feel more fulfilled with you than he has with anyone before and be inspired to create more you.
Men will go to war, move across the world, and make huge sacrifices to get the things that they want in their life. So, if a man is really into you, and really thinks you’re “the one,” he’ll pursue you like a lion hunting a gazelle.
So why isn’t he stepping up and fighting for what you want? Didn’t he passionately pursue you in the beginning?
We’ve all been in the twitterpated love that puts a Disney movie to shame.
Unfortunately, that honeymoon phase doesn’t last. It’s not just the feeling of love that builds relationships; it’s building a win/win partnership that fills both of you up with more love and fulfillment than either one of you could experience on your own.
The mindset of win/win, ladies, is one of the key ingredients in making a man want to commit. Because when you tune into his needs AND your needs, he sees you as integral to his purpose and success in life AND he feels more powerful and capable of giving you your needs.
So, if you need attention or affection, for example, and he needs space, these needs SEEM to conflict on the surface. But there is a way to collaborate to get both, isn’t there?
I worked with a couple who both had day jobs and when he got home, he needed space to unwind, and she needed to talk about her day, otherwise, she felt disconnected from him.
On the surface, these two needs seem to conflict, but when they both opened up about how they wanted to receive love and listened to the other person, they created a solution that works for both of them. The first hurdle was for both of them to feel heard and understood about what they needed (the first win/win – being heard).
Now they could work on the solution (seeking another win/win). They came up with was that he has some time to unwind when he first comes home, and then they can connect about their day afterward. This type of solution, where both people get what they need feel loved, is possible once you focus on what you both need.
There are skills that we women need to have a win/win mindset.
First, you have to be able to identify your feelings and desires and give yourself compassion so you can share them with him. Then, you can inspire him by opening up first; then, be willing to listen to him.
Then, you need to know how to respond with curiosity to his defensiveness and know how to discover his needs. He probably doesn’t know what he needs, which is why he gets angry or defensive, so you have to learn how to be the detective.
Once he feels heard and you accept what he needs, he’ll see you as safe, a refuge, and irreplaceable. He’ll love you as you deserve to be loved because you love him as no one else can.
Does that seem challenging? It’s easier than you think when you learn the differences between men and women, how to discover what you both need, and how to create win/win solutions.
See, this is the difference between being a good catch versus being irreplaceable. If he feels you’re the one woman who really understands his deepest desires and can speak to those hidden parts of his heart, then he’ll feel more at home with you than with anyone else.
He’s found what he’s been looking for his entire life.
In his mind and heart, you become part of him. Every decision he makes takes you into account. Suddenly he WANTS to know your thoughts and feelings.
And isn’t that what you want? To be cherished like this, to be supported? You can do it.
If you want support in learning how to discover what he needs in order to create passionate partnership, I’ve helped other women learn to inspire their man to a lifetime of love! You can apply for a free session with me here: https://coachvaleriegreene.com/free-strategy-session/
With Love,
Valerie
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