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Relationship Coach Valerie Greene

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You are here: Home / Recent Posts / [Video] Even I mess up sometimes ;)

[Video] Even I mess up sometimes ;)

I want to share a story with you to let you know that it’s ok to mess up and clean it up afterwards 🙂 No one is perfect.
Recently my partner showed up late to an event I was co-leading because he didn’t know it was important to me that he show up on time. When I greeted him at the door I was angry and I said, “You missed my presentation!” And he responded, “You didn’t tell me it was important that I see it.”
He had seen me lead presentations many times so he didn’t realize I wanted his moral support. Instead of validating his point of view, I said, “How could you not know it’s important to me?”
I was making him wrong and he got defensive, and we wound up arguing for the rest of the evening after the event. We made up the next day, but it wasn’t fun to argue during a time when I wanted to celebrate.

There are 2 things I could have done to prevent an argument:

1) I could have acknowledged his point of view in addition to sharing mine. I could have said, “You’re right, I didn’t tell you it was important. That sucks because it was important.” Then because he would have felt acknowledged, he would have apologized and we could have moved on to what I needed to feel better.

2) I could have shared my feelings instead of making him wrong. If I had said, “I feel angry because I wanted support,” then he also wouldn’t have gotten defensive because I would have been just sharing my feelings and desires, not talking about what he did wrong.

I recently recorded an interview for women with a colleague, Helena Hart, about how to share your feelings in a way that draws your man closer. I explain in this video that it’s how we share our feelings that can put men on the defensive. When we share our feelings in the right way it draws him closer.

You can watch it here:

With love,
Valerie

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