If you’re putting all your eggs in your man’s basket to please you, that’ll feel like too much pressure for him to please you all the time, and it’ll actually push him away.
So how do you stop putting pressure on him and inspire him to please you?
Recently I had a powerful experience of taking responsibility for my own pleasure.
My partner and I spent the weekend with friends, and we had lots of flirting and cuddling, but no privacy. So naturally I was needing to connect with him 1 on 1 when we got home, and told him that in a loving way. There was so much traffic on the way home that by the time we got home, he had an important work deadline to meet and we didn’t have time to connect 1 on 1.
I understood, and he reassured me we’d have time to connect soon, but I was feeling so lonely by myself in the bed at night while he stayed up working. All sorts of thoughts were running through my head, like “He must not want me enough, if he can’t make even 15 min to connect in a way that feels good.” There was an intense ache in my heart and belly, and I felt it in my body, and it didn’t seem that if I gave myself pleasure, that it would make me feel any better. I thought I needed to receive pleasure from him.
Still, I lay there, with no other options (too late to call a girlfriend) so I took myself through the “Emotional Alchemy” practice that I teach to my clients to help them transform powerful emotions into loving desires. When I opened up to my inner guidance, I felt that I could try touching myself the way I wanted him to touch me, and to open up to that being satisfying in a new way.
So I took my time, and explored different parts of my body with my hands, practicing feeling like I was both the giver and the receiver. I was feeling just as much pleasure in my hand as the giver, as in my body as the receiver. And I started visualizing that I was receiving the whole world as energy through my breath and into my body.
I was wanting to feel wanted, and as I breathed in and out, I was receiving images of the whole Universe (plants, rivers, stars, trees, forests, deserts, the ocean) wanting me, and that energy flowing like a river into my body and filling me up with the feeling of being wanted. I was also fantasizing about what I wanted him to do to me, but it was different than my usual fantasies; it felt like he was a conduit for the Universe giving love to me; since I felt him focusing on his work right now, it felt like I was receiving the message that I could receive the feeling of being wanted by the Universe, through visualizing the Universal energy flowing through his body into mine.
When I felt complete, the pain was gone and I felt peaceful and loving again. I did still feel that I needed to receive that feeling from him, but now I felt more patient to drift off to sleep and look forward to him giving me attention when he was ready. And I knew that if I approached him from this place of feeling filled up, but wanting more; as opposed to being needy and pushy, that he would respond to my desire with a loving attitude, and want to give more to me. And later the next day, he did 🙂
In the past I would have carried that feeling of loneliness and emptiness with me through the day, and grown resentful. He would have felt my resentment and that would have turned him off. Since I took responsibility for my own pleasure first, and then approached him with what I needed, he was open and wanting to give to me the next day. He brought me flowers, apologized for being so busy, and lovingly nurtured me for hours. I got to experience his true desire for me because I let him have space, and I took responsibility for my own pleasure while he was busy.
So what do you need to do to connect to your own pleasure on a daily basis, so you’re not relying on your man to meet your needs all the time?
If you want to learn the “Emotional Alchemy” process to transform powerful emotions into loving desires that inspire your man, you can receive 1 on 1 support very affordably in the “Man-ifest Lasting Love Group Coaching Program.”
For years my clients have been asking me to create something affordable that would give them the weekly support they need to attract and sustain lasting love. And it’s finally here!
I’m limiting this group to 10 women so it can be an intimate supportive environment. So if this resonates with you I recommend that you sign up to have a conversation with me, to see if the group is right for you.
So you can learn more at coachvaleriegreene.com/group and click the link to fill out an application to have a conversation with me.
Can’t wait to connect more with you and support you in attracting and sustaining lasting love!
With Love
Valerie