This is for the ladies: have you wondered why your partner isn’t stepping up and making you happy?
Do you need to tell him about simple chores over and over again?
How do you tell him what you want, then? How do you get your needs met without pushing him away?
When You Try To Direct A Man, Both Of You Feel Disrespected.
You know the little things: Take out the trash, pick up your socks, come to dinner…
Sometimes, it’s the big things: I would have preferred you do… We never go where I want… Why can’t you just tell me I’m pretty…
From the time they are born, the hormonal and physiological differences in men cause most men to be sensitive to feeling shame and inadequacy, although they’re probably not aware of this.
When a woman complains or tells a man what she’s unhappy about, he is likely to hear, “I’m failing. I’m not good enough as a partner.”
You felt unsatisfied because you have to ask for something like a compliment. He feels not good enough because you’re not satisfied with what he is doing.
He doesn’t realize that he’s feeling shame, he just feels disrespected. He feels pushed away, and he’ll put his energy elsewhere, like work, where he receives respect. Of course, he might not know what he feels, so it won’t help if you point it out or ask him what he’s feeling. But since you now know, you’ll learn to ask him in a way that avoids making him wrong.
Men want to feel successful in making the woman they’re with happy.
If he takes you out to a movie, on an emotional level, he feels as if he had written the movie script and starred in it. When you like the meal at the restaurant, he feels like he cooked it. When you compliment the movie or the meal, he feels complimented.
A woman’s appreciation for what he provides lights up his life the same way his consideration of your feelings lights up your life.
So, when we try to tell him what to do, he feels criticized, inadequate, and disrespected. He might not even know why he feels distant, but he doesn’t feel inspired to connect with you or want to make you happy.
And we don’t think we’re disrespectful – we think we’re helpful. We’re doing what we heard our mothers do… and how we call our children. He hears that as nagging and will actually resist doing it because he feels mothered.
So you might be wondering, “How do I ask for what I want without disrespecting him?”
When a woman shares her feelings in the RIGHT way, he finds it mesmerizing and alluring.
Feelings are one of the keys of feminine energy that entrances men and ignites his romantic desire and passion for you! And this is the way to communicate with him and receive more of what you want, instead of pushing him away by criticizing and directing.
This is how you begin to reinspire his devotion to making you happy:
When you share your feelings in an inspiring way, instead of a critical way, you can be cherished for who you are, instead for what you’re doing. This is what your husband or boyfriend wants – to adore you for who you are. He just wants to do things that please you, and he wants to be appreciated for it.
When you share your feelings in a way that’s not making him wrong and receive what he’s giving and appreciate him for it, he sees you as beautiful and majestic as the sun, the moon, and the stars. He feels good about himself and it pumps him up to do even more!
Here’s an example, him using his phone when out on a date with you. You can share your softer feelings and not make him wrong:
“Can I share something with you? [When he says yes] It feels so good to take time away from our busy lives and connect with each other. I miss when we used to go out to dinner and feel like we were the only two people in the room. It feels so good to feel your undivided attention on me. So, as I sit here, I feel uncomfortable because I miss feeling you here with me. What’s going on for you?”
Sounds much better than:
“You always text other people when you’re out with me. That’s so disrespectful! Can’t you put the phone away for one hour and spend time with me?”
Notice how I talked about my feelings and my experience, not his actions or what he should do. If you say that, or something similar, with sincerity, he’ll feel inspired to share himself and be more present with you.
You can start small, choose 1-3 things per day to compliment him on. They can be simple as “You look nice,” to “Thank you for taking out the trash.” Even when he isn’t meeting your needs, at least look for his positive intention, was he trying to please you? If so, thank him for that.
He may be suspicious at first, especially if your relationship is a bit rocky. But, this fills his spirit and self-worth. The effort every day to be grateful and loving is worth it. The mindset of win/win, ladies, is one of the key ingredients in what makes a man want to commit. And that’s why I wrote a highly-successful book about how to inspire a man to commit!
This blog was based on my free ebook Man-ifest Lasting Love. It has more information on how to express your feelings and desires to a man in a way that inspires him to commit to making you happy!
How do these principles work for you? Feel free to leave a comment below about what worked and what you’d like more support with.