How do you find a compatible partner? Here’s a few helpful strategies, adapted from my online course 🙂
It is useful to make a list of all the qualities you want in a partner, but I find that what’s most important is sharing your most important values, having a compatible life vision, and feeling “gotten,” loved, and empowered to be who you most want to be in life.
What are values? Values are what make life meaningful to you; they guide your decisions and actions; they’re our internal compass. Examples of values are honesty, creativity, freedom, security, family, love, or service to others. The needs and values that you’ll learn in week 1 is a useful place to start.
You can take a look at the second page of this handout and ask yourself, “Which of those values are the most meaningful to you to share with a partner? If it’s integrity, purpose, service, or consideration, and you find someone who doesn’t share those values, you might feel chemistry in the beginning but you’ll grow apart over time.
The more you embody your most important values, and the more you connect to the source of love (which I teach in my coaching programs) the more you’ll recognize when you meet a partner with compatible values who will honor who you are and treat you with kindness.
Values are more important than shared interests. So it’s more important that you share your commitment to your purposes, for example, than that you both like to play volleyball, travel to the same places, or eat the same kind of food. Does that make sense? So it’s useful to make a list of the top 5 values that are important to share with your partner, and ask yourself where those kinds of men are likely to hang out.
Before you set out to meet more men or women, it’s also important that you clarify your romantic goals. Do you want dating to culminate in marriage? Family? Life partnership? Traveling around the world? And in what timeframe? 6 months? 1 year? 2 years? It’s important that you clarify this at the outset so you can ask curious questions in the beginning of a relationship with a man if, he shares the same goals.
Many women are afraid of scaring men away by saying what they want, but if you say it in an open, curious, collaborative way, like “Hey Ted, I’m curious, do you believe in love that lasts forever?” then it will inspire the right man. If he gets scared away, he wasn’t looking for the same thing and it opens up your time to meet someone who wants the same things you want. So as in the vision questions in week 3, get really clear about your romantic vision before you meet men; it’ll help you to inspire the right one.
And where do you meet men or women? The best place to meet compatible men is through friends, or events organized with friends, since we tend to share values with our friends, and people they know are already “vetted.” Let your friends or acquaintances know you’re looking to meet someone. You may be surprised how many people in your outer circle do know available singles and are willing to set you up.
You can also ask yourself, “where do people with compatible values hang out?” (Maybe volunteering, in spiritual or personal growth groups, for example) And if you’re dating online, say something about your values and your romantic dreams in your profile; it will help you stand out and attract the right kind of man or woman.
If you’re frustrated with internet dating, your profile might need to be spiced up. I help singles set up a compelling online profile that attracts the right kinds of men or women.
When you attend events with lots of singles, how do you approach someone? Flirting is about how much you are enjoying yourself in their presence. It’s intimidating to approach an attractive stranger, but everyone likes compliments and it’s a great ice breaker. Don’t compliment their appearance; it seems cliche. Compliment something they are wearing or doing. Women can approach men in a feminine, flirtatious way. I’ve never met a straight man who doesn’t appreciate a woman giving him a compliment on his watch, or shoes, etc. and seeing if he continues the conversation. If he doesn’t, then there’s nothing lost.
I have helped quite a few singles enjoy dating, meet compatible partners, and discover who’s right for them! If you want support with meeting the right person and you’re ready to invest in the right support, I invite you to apply for a FREE Breakthrough to Lasting Love Session. We’ll uncover your unique situation and you’ll leave with a plan to meet the right partner for you!
With Love
Valerie