Many women think femininity means being submissive or subservient, when nothing can be farther from the truth. This misconception leaves women feeling confused as to how to inspire a masculine man without losing herself.
I’ll dispel the misconception here so you can own your feminine power and inspire him to meet your deepest needs and desires.
What is Feminine Energy?
Some people believe that masculine and feminine energies mean “what a man is supposed to do” and “what a woman is supposed to do.” But, it’s not that at all.
Masculine and feminine energy isn’t about gender or sexual orientation. Both men and women have both masculine and feminine energies. You can choose to be in your masculine OR feminine as you go through your day, but to create passion and attraction in a romantic relationship, one partner chooses to be in the masculine and the other partner chooses to be in their feminine, and then you have passion. It’s like 2 poles of a battery. The electricity flows between opposite poles.
Masculine energy is about doing: setting goals, strategizing, analyzing, making decisions, and providing.
Feminine energy is about feeling, receiving, intuiting, just being, following, and collaboration.
Think waltzing across the ballroom with your partner. He leads and you follow, but you also influence. He chooses the direction based on how you’re expressing yourself, so you both feel good. The follower isn’t being subservient; she’s expressing herself and he leads in a direction that feels good to both of them.
Men can display feminine energy when they’re playing music/making art or just doting on their children and enjoying the connection without having a goal.
Women have an equal capacity for having masculine energy. A career woman in the business world who gets sh*t done, makes high-level decisions, and leads others is displaying masculine energy.
Since masculine men want to lead, the most important thing for a masculine man is to have his thoughts and direction respected, and to lead in a direction that feels good to you. And to provide things that feel good to you. Then he feels successful in providing.
He wants to make the feminine partner happy, but if he feels disrespected, then he’ll feel resentful and it’ll kill his desire to make her happy. So if he feels that his thoughts and direction is respected, then he’ll want to provide what makes her happy.
The most important thing for a feminine woman is to have her feelings and desires cherished.
So she needs to tell him all the information he needs to know to lead effectively, so that she feels cherished and loved.
As a general formula, the masculine energy person says, “I think, I want, how do you feel about that?” The feminine energy person says, “I feel, I desire, I don’t want, what do you think about that?”
For example, the masculine-energy person will say, “I want to go to Australia for our vacation. I think that will be a great place. How do you feel about that?” The feminine-energy person will respond, “That would make me very happy. What a great idea.” Or, “That doesn’t make me very happy. I don’t want to go so far away. I’d really feel better about someplace closer. What do you think about that?”
We could even see it in one of the most iconic conversations: where do you want to go for dinner tonight? (That’s a masculine question because it’s about doing something.)
(Feminine) I’m not sure, what do you want to do?
(Masculine) How about pizza? I’ve had a taste for Bruno’s.
(Feminine) Pizza is a good suggestion, but not something I desire. I would prefer some seafood. What do you think?
(Masculine) Seatown market, then?
(Feminine) Yes, that feels good. I feel excited for you to take me out.
In the short conversation, the masculine-energy person decided on going out to eat and was received by the feminine-energy person. The masculine energy-person offers an option for dinner and is validated by the feminine energy. And, too, the feminine energy expresses her desire, offering an alternative without telling him what to do. The masculine-energy person responded with another definitive choice to go with the alternative, and the feminine-energy person received what pleases her.
The masculine-energy person was satisfied with creating a plan and making the feminine partner happy. The feminine-energy person supported and validated the masculine partner. Both got what they wanted: to go out for dinner at a place they both like and to have the masculing-partner take her out.
Of course, being happy with this kind of conversation means each partner needs to understand what makes the other person happy. If the masculine-energy partner expects the feminine-energy partner to take initiative about planning the date, it will cause conflict. Just as if the feminine-energy partner expects the masculine-energy partner to know what she desires without her saying so, it will cause resentment. When the 2 people understand what drives each of them, then they can be happy.
This is highly different from submissive energy. Submissive energy would have accepted pizza for dinner even though the feminine partner wanted something else. Submission is giving over the power to make a decision or to make a request.
The most significant difference between feminine energy and submissive energy is expressing your feelings and desires to get what you want.
Skills To Develop To Be Feminine, Not Submissive
Being receptive and open to your partner takes strength and dedication to your relationship. It does not mean accepting whatever is given to you and not expressing yourself.
Speaking Clearly & Definitively
A chief complaint of masculine men is that women speak in riddles. In some cases, this is true. In the conversation above, the feminine energy-person showed openness to his ideas and validated his choices. She spoke clearly that given an open-ended question, she had no answer. Once the choices started to narrow down, and she could feel into her desires, she clearly stated what felt good to her. Then he could choose a definitive option that felt good to her.
This was not a wishy-washy statement or indecisive mumbles. It was not manipulation. It was an expressed desire in clear words that allowed the masculine-energy person to put together the plan.
This can be hard to figure out, and that’s something we could work on in a coaching session. It takes practice to express what you want, and once you have the formula for saying what you desire, it becomes a lot easier.
Setting Boundaries & Saying No
Your boundaries and ability to say no define you as a person. So many people have a difficult time saying no and asserting themselves. They lose their individuality by acquiescing to the desires and whims of others. They lose the ability to get what they want.
Setting a definitive boundary for what you will and will not do and expressing that boundary in a loving way gives you strong feminine energy. In the conversation above, if the feminine partner desired pizza, it would have been her choice. However, she had a boundary that said she did not prefer pizza that night and wanted something else. She said no in a loving way.
The Feminine Partner Receives First, And Then Gives Back.
The feminine partner should receive support, love, guidance, and protection from the masculine partner first, and then give back by expressing her positive feelings and appreciating him. Each of these gifts enhances her own individuality and confidence. She appreciates what he gives and tells him what would feel even better so she keeps influencing and inspiring how the masculine partner gives these gifts to best match her needs. Then she gives back in a way that feels good to both of them.
But, a submissive partner subverts their own desires and ideas of support, love, guidance, and protection for what the dominant partner gives. This can work in a healthy dominant/submissive relationship that is consensual, but most women want to be
Although many people think feminine energy and submissive energy are similar, they come from vastly different mindsets. An empowered feminine-energy person receives and inspires what she gets by having well-established boundaries, clear communication about her feelings, and knowing what supports her. Submissive energy gives all that up in service of being led. If you want to help developing strong feminine energy, I recommend we set up a time to talk.