When I was younger I would try to learn what pleased the man I was with, and thought that if I got really good at pleasing him, he would love me more. I derived my value from how he was feeling about me.
Then if he was in a bad mood I would think it was something I did wrong, and he didn’t respect me fully because I wasn’t valuing myself.
It wasn’t until I learned how to love myself, prioritize my own pleasure and radiate inner happiness that I attracted men who cherished and adored me for who I am, not just for what I do.
But who teaches us how to love ourselves? I like the Rumi Quote that says, “Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
We each have our own unique labyrinth of limiting beliefs, self judgment, and patterns that create a wall around our heart, preventing us from fully feeling love; and when we learn to remove those barriers, we can receive love from the many sources in our lives.
For example, Donna was caught in a pattern of putting people on a pedestal. When someone showed interest in her, she felt good about herself. When they didn’t show interest or were critical, she felt unworthy. Her sense of worth came from the outside.
We traced this pattern back to her childhood and how she felt responsible for her parents’ out of control feelings. It wasn’t ok for her to speak up about what she wanted or didn’t want. So we spent time with her inner child, giving her the acceptance, love, and empowerment that she hadn’t gotten back then.
Through a guided meditation, Donna connected with a vision of her future self: she was beautiful, confident, and in touch with her desires and her power. Donna was able to use this vision to feel worthy, practice tuning into what she wanted, and feel that she’s on an equal playing field with others: her desires are vitally important and attractive to the right people who can honor them J
On a recent date, she put this into practice and was able to express her desires and boundaries in a fun, playful way, instead of just focusing on pleasing him. Not only did she enjoy the date more, but so did he! She was able to embody confidence like she never had before, and she loved seeing how much he enjoyed himself in her presence. She felt sexy, empowered, and like an equal partner in the relationship.
Are you a woman who wants to access the most radiant, confident version of yourself? Here’s a free Confidence Meditation (click on it to listen), to access the future confident version of yourself. Leave a comment below and let me know how you like it!
And if you’d like support in removing the barriers in your heart to receiving more love and radiating confidence, I invite you to schedule a free Relationship Breakthrough Session with me. We’ll identify the barriers to the love life you want, and create a plan to transform them.