What you put attention on, you get more of. Another way of saying this is: what you appreciate appreciates.
You’ve probably heard that when we focus on how we don’t have love, we put ourselves in a negative mood, and that’s not attractive to the people around us. It’s hard to meet new people when we’re feeling needy or desperate to find love.
But how do we shift our vibe when we don’t feel loved or don’t feel worthy of love? It’s not about pretending that things are ok when they’re not. It’s about getting out of our head and into our heart: embracing empathy, compassion, and feminine energy.
Part Of That Is Embracing Your Feminine Energy Of Receiving
We’re in our feminine energy when we’re experiencing our 5 senses in the present moment: feeling our feelings, listening to music, looking at art, fabrics, colors, textures, smelling perfumes, candles, or taking in the sights, sounds, and sensations of a walk on the beach. It’s about receiving the meriod of ways that our needs are being met right now and trusting others/life to keep supporting us. It’s about opening our hearts: feeling grateful when our needs are met; feeling self-compassion when our needs aren’t getting met, and feeling curious about how we can get our needs met right now, even if it’s in a different way than we want. I know this isn’t easy, especially when we feel lonely or hurt!
Even I feel lonely or hurt sometimes. My husband isn’t always available when I want to connect with him! Or he could say something that hurts my feelings. When I feel lonely, for example, I can focus on all the ways I don’t have love or he’s not available, and then I’ll feel sad. Or I can ask myself, what does love mean to me? To me, it means unconditional acceptance, curiosity, and wanting what’s best for someone. If I switch out of my head and into my heart, I can give this to myself right now: I can turn towards the sensation of loneliness and give myself empathy the way I would for a girlfriend. i.e. “This is hard; everyone feels this way sometimes.”
Or I can take in the feeling of love from the people who already love me: my friends and family. Then I can imagine I’m breathing in and out of my heart center and giving/receiving those loving feelings to people I know and love. If I need more connection, I can then ask myself, “how is that available, even if it’s not the exact way I want?” I could call a supportive girlfriend; find a meetup about a hobby that I’m good at so I feel confident around new people, etc.
Opening your heart to receiving or listening to your feelings and needs doesn’t always feel good. You might feel your or someone’s else’s sorrow or anger. But, when you learn to have compassion and curiosity for what would make you or the other person feel fulfilled, it does feel better on the other side.
Think about a time when you complained to a friend or family member and they really listened. They received these challenging emotions, and then what happened? Did you feel better? Did you feel more connected to your friend?
They might have helped you solve the issue or you might have just needed them to listen. Regardless, it was their curiosity, empathy, and compassion that allowed the emotion to pass through you so you could focus on what would feel better.
Doing something we enjoy helps release oxytocin. So does smiling, holding hands, talking with a friend or relative, and creating connections (cuddling after sex does that, too, if you’re in a committed relationship).
Love is easy to create and maintain. It’s not just sex or romance; it’s the little things in life that create friendships. It’s opening up to letting the tiny expressions of love fill you up – like a dog wagging his tail at you, a friend that grabs your cup of coffee so you don’t have to get up, or the stranger that holds the door open.
Love is everywhere if we move to accept it and open ourselves to receive it.
I know this is easier said than done so I created a 10-minute guided meditation to feel the love that’s already present in your life. It’s my gift to you. You can access it here.
With Love,
Valerie
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