I worked with a couple that was on the verge of breakup. Here’s the story of how they turned it around. I’ll call them Jim and Jessica.
Transitions in Jim’s business required him to work 16 hr days for over a year. He did sit down and talk with his wife Jessica about what it was going to be like for him to be busier. She agreed and was supportive; they knew what the parameters were. However, they didn’t establish a way to check in regularly, to stay in touch with how they each were feeling.
Slowly they grew apart.
When Jim realized that Jessica been flirting with someone else, he confronted her, and they both were very defensive. “You’re just not there for me any more!” She said. And he said, “You agreed to support me through this time!” They both felt betrayed and grew more distant. They didn’t even want to be in the same room with each other. One morning he looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize himself…in all this busy-ness, he’d lost touch with his own feelings, and all he could feel was anger towards her. It was then that Jim sought me out for coaching.
One of the first things we did was create a vision for how he wanted to rekindle the relationship. Jim missed feeling intimacy, love, and connection with Jessica, so we fleshed out a vision of how he wanted that to look and feel. This vision included honestly sharing and listening to their thoughts and feelings, enjoying playful adventures, and feeling passionate love again.
Through creating that vision, he felt a whole being desire to rekindle his love, intimacy and connection with her. He was committed to creating those things, even though he wasn’t feeling them in that moment.
From that moment on and with me coaching them, they started being honest about their feelings and needs again, and then there was connection.
They realized that they had to start making more time for each other in the mornings; whenever they could get it, and it started feeling playful and passionate again. They created regular times to check in to see how the other was doing, to stay emotionally connected. Now when one of them had a judgment, or desire, they made time to share it and listen, and even if there isn’t an easy solution, they can love each other where they are. Even if they can’t always meet each other’s needs, they can give each other validation, understanding, compassion, and support each other through challenges.
It all started with his vision for how things could be better. Once he could see and feel what love, intimacy, and connection looked and felt like, then we could help him access those feelings, create actions from that space, and support him in consistently showing up in a way that would rekindle the connection with his wife.
Now their connection is stronger than it’s ever been.
Because he shifted his way of being, he started showing up more powerfully in the rest of his life too. He said, “I’m now a more productive business manager, and work more effectively with my clientele. The reality is, I’ve never had so many people tell me that they want to work with me; call and say “We just want you to do this project;” meet with me and say, “Wow what a dynamic, amazing individual; I want to work with him.” And so coaching has had a tremendous financial impact on me, as well as my confidence, ability, and satisfaction with who I am.” -JM
Do you want to create a vision that takes your relationship and life to the next level?
This is part of what we do in the free “Back To Love” Strategy Session. We create a vision for how you want your relationship to look and feel, explore what’s in the way, and create a plan for how to fall back in love again. Click the link below this post to apply for a free strategy session.
I look forward to supporting you in creating the relationship of your dreams!